I am happy and I have been happy for almost two months now. I went from being sick to caring about a drug addict to experiencing multiple deaths in the family to dealing with a second heartbreak and then finally, finally, I found a place of peace. I am happy. I have experienced about a month of almost no stress and I can’t remember having that in years. I have a large social circle full of all types of people. I have my writing and my art and while my health isn’t the best it is better then it was when I was sick for over a year and a half.
I have been meeting a lot of people. Going on casual dates, hanging out with a bunch of different social circles, spending time with awesome people. I have been ridiculously busy and now I am trying to find more time for just me because I want to have more time for writing and drawing. Its so strange to think about how when I lived in bellingham I had almost no social life and I was always so lonely and now I have the opposite. I need to cut down on socializing.
Its so hard to be motivated to find a job when I have my own money to live off of and other stuff I would rather be doing. I know that I am very blessed to be able to take this free time and I know that I need to be responsible once again so I am going to try to get that going this coming week.
Last night I went to a birthday party. It was Holy’s birthday and so I met up with Micki and Marquis and we went over to her house. At the beginning of the day I went and painted pottery with my little sister and the whole day I spent feeling anxious and scared to go to the party because I was worried I would have to watch Marquis try to pick up other girls. I also hadn’t heard from him since I hung out with him a week ago even though I tried to text him once.
But when I met up with them we immediately started having fun and laughing and teasing as usual. He immediately started teasing and flirting with me and we all had a blast. When we got to the party I did have to see him flirt a little but it was nothing intense and I kept any feelings of jealousy completely under wraps. He likes to flirt with one of the girls in the group and so that bothers me a little but she is involved with another guy in the group and she just blows off anything he does and he has milded out towards her. Its weird because I have accepted that he is not capable of monogamy at this time in his life and I am not even romantically in love with him anymore, but I do care about him more then I should and I still crave something physical with him. The result is that I just don’t want to watch him get with someone else is all. But at the party he paid just as much attention to me as anyone else if not more so and we were real affectionate to each other the whole time. Then when he got lost in texting some girl I tried to get him to pay attention to the party and he got bitchy so I left him alone and did my own thing.
All the girls at the party were sweethearts and all the guys were either charmers or chill. My lovely friend Memosa showed up briefly and so I got to have a little time with her which makes me happy. At one point during the party a group of us pilled onto a love seat. I ended up sitting on marquis lap and we were surprisingly comfortable with it. When he was busy texting I spent time with Cory. He is a guy I have met a couple of times that is in that social circle. He is a deep thinker type, calm and charming. He was drunk and particularly affectionate. It was cute. He gave me a guided tour of the upstairs even though he had never been up there before and as he kept wrapping his arms around me I could tell that he might try something on me but I knew that he was harmless and sweet so I just laughed it off and ran away when I felt the tension get too much. It was funny because when Cory wasn’t trying something another guy in the group was. To which I just laughed it off as well. It was strange to be at a party where I got along with everyone so well and got so much attention that I actually liked.
So many moments where Marquis and I would have a moment or where one of the girls would point out something between us. So many moments of just happy talking goofing around. Moments where I would sit with Cory and talk and he would be ridiculously flirty and whisper in my ear or give me a back massage or be a little suggestive in the way he was affectionate towards me. I would catch Marquis watching and even seeing what Cory did so that was interesting.
I spent the night mixing drinks and having a great time full of laughs and affection.
When the night was over I spent an awkward amount of time getting hit on by one of the guys at the party then micki, marquis and Axe went back to Micki’s place to sleep. Axe went and slept on the spare bed and I slept in the middle of Micki and Marquis. They both kept talking and talking and singing poorly and referencing weird stuff. When we finally tried to sleep Marquis and I shared a pillow and we ended up holding hands. We stayed like that most of the time. Then there was some foreplay but I took over and it was mostly me paying him affection which was completely ok with me because I like it like that sometimes and usually its the other way around. We spent a lot of the time with our faces real close and our breath mixing but it took us a long time to actually kiss. When we did though it was sweet and we pressed into each other. We ended up going to try to fool around in the bathroom but I was spotting which was embracing and it stunted the mood. I wasn’t that upset though. What fun we did have was hot and when we went back to bed we held hands and cuddled a little before falling asleep.
Most of the time we spent together this time was just cutesy. Mostly cuddling or laughing or holding hands. But still physical stuff happened and as much as I enjoy being that way with him I want us to work on our friendship so in the morning when we had to drive back we got a ride to my car from Micki then I drove Marquis home. When we were alone I tried my best to make it clear that us talking to each other and communicating is really important and that I want that to happen. It was an awkward talk but a necessary one. We will see what happens.
After that I went home and slept, then talked to my mom and sister, then had lunch with them and watched the first harry potter with my sister. After that I went to my friend Jade’s bon fire which was fun but I was tired and a bit out of it. It was just me, Jade, the doctor, Mike, and Charlie. I was pretty spacy but I had fun hanging out with all of them. The doctor is the one I had a kiddy crush on, can’t tell if I still feel that way about him or not though. Charlie is a guy I get along with pretty well, this was only the third time we hung out and we always just joke around and tease each other and I had only hung out with Mike one other time at the Hobbit trilogy marathon. I mentioned to the group before Mike showed up that I wanted to go see american sniper bad enough that I was considering seeing it alone and the doctor told me that Mike wanted to see it to and so I should just see it with him. I mentioned that inviting him might be weird because I barley know him and then the whole group started teasing me that it was a date and it just got silly. I ended up inviting him anyways to which the group again made it awkward and he was confused as to why it was even a group discussion but thankfully the doctor had my back and explained the situation to him.
Also, when I was sleeping today before the bon fire/after the birthday party I got a last minute text message from the doctor inviting me to go hiking. Sadly I missed the opportunity but it lead to him inviting me to his super bowl party so it wasn’t a complete loss. It has been quite the weekend. Birthday party friday, hang over and bon fire saturday, super bowl party then going to go see american sniper tomorrow.
Starting monday I want to do a cover letter for one application, fill out another application, and work on my drawing.
Migina's Story 